So the whole "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother" post has gone viral. I'm not posting the link here and you'll hopefully see why in a moment. If you haven't read it go do so.
Half the Internet is basically ready to nominate the writer, Liza Long, for the patron saint of special needs moms. Before we do, I think it would be wise to consider the broader implications of her writing.
In the blog she discusses how hard and expensive it is for a parent to get adequate treatment for a child with mental illness. And it is hard especially if you want trained professionals and not pseudo spiritual loons, religious quacks looking for farm hands, or sociopaths pretending they were in the military getting their jollies beating on kids. On its face, the point is very much valid. But like they say, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." And there is so much wrong with how she said it.
For starters, she publicly compared her son to Lanza, Harris, Klebold and a few others on the basis they had violent tendencies and mental disturbances. Regardless of what issues they have, comparing your child to mass murderers in front of a worldwide audience is incredibly disgusting. But on the day after a mass murder? While posting a picture of him for the entire world to see? She may as well send him out into the community with a target on his back. That is basically what she has done. For the rest of his life this article will always be hovering over him. Yet no one seems to care about that.
Those pictures are a second problem. She says she gave him a fake name. However, the fact that she originally posted it under her own name, on a blog that had his name on it while putting a picture of him up makes this irrelevant. Giving him a fake name after that is like setting your PIN number to 1234. Everyone is still going to know that he's the one his mom said was Eric Harris and Adam Lanza. Worse yet, all this personal information being plastered all over the Internet puts the child at risk. People with disabilities are often the targets of the same sexual predators we try to protect kids from by telling them not to post their private information on the Internet. Yet with the large amount of information she's posted on her blog, any sicko can easily get to him. But it gets worse.
People with disabilities are often the victims of hate crimes and after something like this, the rate will be even higher. It is very possible that some ignorant twit might brand him as the next Adam Lanza and try to do harm to him somewhere down the line after seeing the photo and his mother actually comparing him to a mass murderer. Such a thing is not unheard of.
Consider this: After 9/11, Muslims, and those that looked like them were often attacked on the basis they were future terrorists by white supremacist lunatics and many Muslim schoolchildren were bullied on a larger scale than ever. A few were actually killed. Maybe it's me but screaming to the world that her son has a mental disturbance while posting his photo and publicly comparing him to the most hated person in America currently is incredibly irresponsible and given how dumb some people are, could lead to another tragedy. So you can see at least one reason why this might be bad for his physical well being. But this damages his emotional well being too.
She willfully and recklessly divulges his private medical information. This is stuff only family members, teachers and doctors need to know. Now every sicko and sociopath looking for some kicks knows nearly everything about his history and location (or enough to fill in the gaps within ten minutes) and how it could be exploited.Now he, and for that matter the rest of the kids, most likely think they can't share anything with the mother for fear of her telling all on NBC. As a human being, he has a right to have some things not shouted from the rooftops. Medical information being one of those things.
Before anyone fires back that he's just a kid, let me make it clear: Kids have a right to have at least some things kept private. It is not the right of the parent to share information that could damage a kid for years to come with everyone from New York to Timbuktu. As a human being, age and mental illness notwithstanding, he is entitled to this simple dignity.
Yet now she's going on a media tour and divulging said information reckless abandon without regard for how he feels about having his dirty laundry aired. If this were an able-bodied child, there would be much more criticism. But since he has a disability, the rest of the world thinks it's okay. It's not.
And this is the biggest problem I have. The implication here is that it's entirely okay to divulge a person's darkest moments, regardless of the consequences to their physical and emotional well being and reputation so long as the guardian thinks the ends justify the means.
I can get that she's desperate and needs help. But how does effectively painting a target on her child's back help him? To be blunt, it doesn't. A child with disabilities needs at least one rock of support. His only rock of support has betrayed his trust and effectively painted a target on his back for dangerous reactionaries. Even if this led to him getting the help he needs, this will always follow him like a shadow.
Perhaps she meant well. Maybe she legitimately wants to start a conversation about our broken mental health system and get him help. It does not matter. Airing his personal information to the Internet was not the way to go here.
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